What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
