so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
