i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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