Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg

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(850): View more from Florida

i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.

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(319): View more from Iowa

yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.

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(303): View more from Colorado

then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(641): View more from Iowa

i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am

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(989): View more from Michigan

Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose

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(718): View more from New York

Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.

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(720): View more from Colorado

So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".

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