All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".