either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.