Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it