i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.