If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish my penis had an off switch
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
