Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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