You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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