I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
