Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
