I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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