he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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