K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
