I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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