wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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