Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
