Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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