when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
