TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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