Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize