Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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