So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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