Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
