Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
