Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
