so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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