Pregnant stripper...not hot.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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