Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
