I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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