More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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