Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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