ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
