Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
