Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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