did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish I only lived at night.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
