and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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