I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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