so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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