you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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