Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
MIDGETS
????
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
