I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well you can't waste a boner
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
