His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize