It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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