I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
