That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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