I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
