I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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