I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
