He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
