Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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