I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
