i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
