my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
