Michael Bay diarrhea
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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