im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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