this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Enjoy the penises
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
