Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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