Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
