Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
try to milk me bitch
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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