Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
