It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
