Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
