Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
