Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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