Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
