I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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