and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
