I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
