woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Two words: nipple clamps
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