I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
