There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
