Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
