Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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