I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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