Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
